Van Hartman’s debut LP album, Memento Mori, Is an emotionally filled project of love, pain, and memories. Though still young, he reflects upon his past with vivid nostalgia, spinning stories through his songs. His raw chords and bedroom recording studio put you in the room and in the story. He constantly asks why, and how things are the way they are and drags that question through his bare vocals and relatable lyrics, carrying you on a wave of singalong melodies. A multi-colored palette of genres, he brings 60’s parlor folk, bareback garage rock tones, and modern pop to fuse into a collection of teenage emotion-laced works of art.
Bloodletting Lover- I wrote this song based how I would feel when a former partner of mine would self harm. The emotions I felt during those times would be a mess, I would feel guilty thinking that I hadn’t done enough to help but also just felt helpless. It’s a song of confusion, and lack of understanding. I just couldn’t understand why they would think that it was there only option. I’ve gone through the same struggle, so it’s also a song of self prevention.
Love So Easy– One time I went on a date and when I got back home I wrote in my notes “Why’d you have to make love so easy, why’d you have to make me feel safe in your arms”. This song is based off of those words. I find myself fearful to get into relationships because I’m scared of that comfort and the fact it will all go away. In my last relationship I confronted that fear and just said screw it, it should be worth a try, and it was.
Through My Teeth– Have you ever been in a relationship where you know the chemistry isn’t there but you’re too scared to leave? That’s what this song is about. It’s confusing emotions because you want to like the person but you can’t. In the end you have to either speak your mind and tell them the truth of how you feel, or you can fake a smile and pretend.
Dead Beat Mom– There’s all this stuff out there about dead beat dad’s and a disproportionately low amount of songs about dead beat moms. Most mothers do amazing things and show an incredible love, but some can tear you down and make you feel lesser then. So for everyone with mommy issues, this song is for you.
For Stella– made this song so I could sit in the dark and just disassociate. It’s very beneficial for me and I wanted to share it with you all. It’s also a song of nostalgia, wanting to meet a former lover who’s not around. A lover who only exists in memories.
Lucy’s Chair– Okay honestly, this song was filler. I needed a transition song between the slowness of the last two songs and the next part of the album. It was a fun experiment with tempo changes and lyrical flow. This may be the first song that I’ve written that had no prior emotions or story attached to it.
Against the World– This song is a story about two friends. They’re inseparable until they’re not… As one goes through mental struggles, he eventually loses the fight and gives in to suicide. This is a song based off of some friends I’ve had, when a friend commits or attempts suicide, you feel numb. Whenever you’ve slowly drifted apart, you constantly doubt if you could’ve done more to help, and thats a question you can unfortunately never get a real answer to.
Forgetmenot-I’ve always been worried about my legacy. I try not to let it happen but I often get caught up in the question of weather or not people will remember me when I die. This song is a story about a father so obsessed with his legacy that he reminds his son to remember him until the day he dies. It’s also a sort of parable to myself to not be obsessed with my legacy and just live life while I have it.
Lily Flower- This is a poem I wrote for my former partner. I wasn’t able to go on many dates and so I wrote this poem about how someday we can go do all these fun things and share all these fun experiences, but that it will take a while. A secondary meaning was that if she stuck around, stayed alive, long enough, we’d get to have said fun experiences.
Stick Around-This is a song about staying alive. It’s a struggle I’ve had to go through and that many of my peers and many people in the world have to deal with. Sometimes it’s so hard to deal with the constant sadness and overwhelming emotions, but if you just fight it and stick around, it’s all worth it.
Wait for the Roses- This is the end to the album, though it’s an instrumental, it carries a lot of weight. When I feel close to those suicidal feelings, I rely on keeping my roses alive and waiting for them to bloom. One night I was about to give in to the thoughts and as I went out to go see one last sunset I saw the first rose in my garden bloom. That was enough to keep me going. This song is inspired by breaths of fresh air and tulip fields.